if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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