You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
