Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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