Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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