There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
