I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
