I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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