do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
