I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
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I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
‎"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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