And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
