Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
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