She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
