1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize