do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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