Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
