shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
God I need to hump something, right now.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
