There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
