I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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