I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
