i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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