my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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