Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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