We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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