Got a toothbrush?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
