...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
