The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
