Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
