Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
