If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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