I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
