how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
What did we do last night that was yellow?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
And then he peed in my hair
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