# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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