after a month anything with tits is on the radar
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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