even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
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It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
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He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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