She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Randomize
