we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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