I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
