We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
