Are we in a gay sports bar?
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
