I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
