Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
