What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
