my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
