i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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