She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
