Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just forgot I was standing up.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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