You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
