im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
