If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
