So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
