I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
