The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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