I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
