so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
