FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
