I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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