broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
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Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
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A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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