tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
