It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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