Just fell off a train. Bad.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
