Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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