so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
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all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
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Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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