Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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