xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
